The Know-Nothing Heart

The sounds had purpose. They did not distract. They had no knowledge of anything outside of themselves. They were not over-powering. I knew what they were doing, and knew they were incapable of anything else. They are garbage trucks. In fact, this was the only thing I really know. It was the only thing I had to know. I was on top of the world. But I only knew that world through my "mindless eye." I use links this time only because I recognize gaps in our knowledge and wish to close them with an inadequate, but quick and easy solution. Mindlessness is not like this. Sometimes I wonder if we only know mindlessness through our mind, which posits certain characteristics on mindless experience. Sometimes I wonder if the only thing driving a mindless being is purpose. Sometimes I wonder if there is a nugget of mindlessness inside of each mind. That would mean I could have a mindless meditation as I am writing this. I believe that. I now command you. Go mindless then say the first thing that "pops" into your head. This is how we come to know mindlessness, by forcing ourselves to act fast enough that our higher mind doesn't have a chance to act.
And when I say fast enough I can also mean early enough in childhood. The id demands that it get everything that it wants, and we can see the consequences. People know, even if they don't really realize it, when you're different, and they know when someone's depraved and lacking a satisfied id. It's the depraved ones who feel like they can't get what they want. Your parents lacked a satisfied id and so didn't know how to satisfy you. It isn't that difficult, but it's a disease. People pick up on that, and seem to wonder what it is about you that could be so impossibly fucked up. But its too late, and no matter what they do they can't replace your prior experience with something which is more endurable, or maybe more sociable. What they don't know is what they're on to, but their premise is wrong and they don't know it, forever condemned to be butting up against a wall they don't know is there. "He must be dancing."
So lets say you're not one of those unlucky ones, that you got everything you asked for as a child. "My dad says that's bad." So there you are, thinking that you're going to get everything you want, for no real reason other than that's how its been. So now you think you need to break the cycle, by starting to predict experience that is unique to you. Cool it buddy, you don't need to move that quickly, you still have something to discover before moving on. But you know this already, but you may have also moved on from this. Freud says everyone moves into maturity at some point, learning that they can't get everything they want, this brings in the super-ego. But the theme here is acting early, and what you have if you're one of these people is that you have the potential to have a completely clear mind. Parts of mindlessness inhabit your normal mental state while you, unknowing, haven't known anything else! Maybe you have no anxiety but can't understand why anyone would ever have any.
You have what you need but your innocence is taken away. This is when you tend to grab what's closest to you and hold on for dear life. Everything is falling around you and your integration is flying out the window so you hold on for dear life. She's holding on for dear life so you hold on for dear life. They're telling you lies so you hold on for dear life. When people are acting like idiots you fall away from them. Sometimes the dark side pushes you away from it. Sometimes that keeps you more on track than the light. My next post will also be on the subject of mindlessness, but of a very different form.