Fragments I

Relieve? Relive? Which one? One or the other. Prevent, defend, it's all a temporary lapse of time, a game to preoccupy. I want to get to the top, I'm bored of this game. Preconceived notions are reliable, and premature behavior is the standard. How is growth possible within regression? It is unknown. We must go for it all. All or nothing! Inhale/Exhale. Gavin Hale is my replacement in a dream of whatever it wasn't baseball. Has consciousness become so estranged that words take precedence?

Regret and guilt are very similar. Especially in how they cancel themselves out. See, the whole point of regret is to keep someone from repeating history, so if it works like its supposed to it will be preventative in nature. The same with guilt, it is based on a past mistake which you must take personal responsibility toward catharsis.

My old ways refuse to work anymore, which I hadn't really realized, it's time to say, "from this moment forward." This attitude is the least sentimental and least narcissistic attitude I can come up with. I should know, I'm a sentimental narcissist.

I should know, I've been there. I should know, I've done that. I should know, I should know.

Bad jokes are actually quite multifaceted in obvious ways, which lends to appreciation but they entirely lack misunderstanding, which, as Jung says, is crucial to being a Nietzschean philosopher of the future. The spell check says Nietzschean is not a word, I should know, I saw some of Little Miss Sunshine.

Putting non-existent stress on oneself is for me a way to put myself in a place where I can to my best kind of work (in the clutch). But to continue to put on stress without relief and to live in a state of perpetual stress is very bad for anyone! Therefore, one should not necessarily do what one is best at. Built up stress and relieved stress are the two extremes of my bipolar self.
The doctors tell me bipolar disorder is any oppositional feelings, not just manic and depressed. The committee (in the brain) is not willing to make a compromise, it is in a state of listening to itself but getting caught in the feeling of one isn't necessarily more significant than the other.

There must not be all that much too see! If one forgets or refuses to remember, "all" becomes lesser and lesser, until you can put it in Al Gore's lock-box. I feel less like I forget and more like I refuse to remember. All this under the veil that I am constantly trying to understand myself. I must contemplate that which is most deeply wrong with me.

I appreciate all brain food (provided it is digestible).

I want to pay my dues all at once, its tough, but thats the way I wish it were.

Flies have consciousness of space-time.

What is the key to life? Adaptation; staring at the horizon. Why I love the beach? The tides are regulated by an unseen force, each wave is powerful and different. I feel like eternity is more unattainable than haunting now-days. There is much less urgency, but my most important goals have not yet been reached.

My useful lie: telling myself I'll be out in 30 days.

The fan mirrors the wind, yet is unreceptive, does what it was made for without interference.

A sports fan is like a fan.

Horses probably hate being ridden. When they walk it is both glorious and laborious, huge strides.

I promise not to lose you, journal.

Blog, you can't be lost, I don't like that. You're always around, waiting for me. You should gain my respect rather than demand it, fool.

I don't like the idea of having your senses fit reality either, because how valuable are your senses anyway? The best sensory perception, in that line, is not one that can taste, or, rather, endure the bad tastes and consequently have a huge repertoire, but one which can delicately differentiate let's say, the smell of a good orchid and a great one, which others may not be able to sense!